Gooch Richards is a future copywriting legend working for advertising powerhouse BMF. He thought this would be his first foray into the world of Cannes, but thanks to a simple misunderstanding, he's now in Cairns. Making the most of this situation, Richards has decided to stick to the plan and write a diary for Campaign Brief, from tropical North Queensland.
The results of last night's wet t-shirt contest at Gilligan's were somewhat controversial. It came down to two eager Swedish backpackers, Sigrid and Lykke. The judges awarded gold to Sigrid, but many were stunned that Lykke's twerking to the Vengaboys classic 'We Like to Party' didn't get her over the line. Personally, I think Sweden was the real winner on the night.
All of that is but a distant memory, because today I immerse myself in the prestigious Cairns Lions. The excitement alone is enough to power me through my chronic jet lag.
With a heavy Slavic accent, my cab driver - who out of respect for myself I will now refer to as my chauffeur - asks me three times if I really do want to go to the Cairns Lions. He seems confused, but I reassure him that it's a rite of passage; a pilgrimage every adman must take. He stares at me with dead, soulless eyes. The meter inexplicably speeds up, but the blank receipt when I return to BMF will ease the pain.
I arrive at the Holy Land. The Mecca of Mad Men everywhere.
It's everything I wished for and more. The atmosphere is electric and there's Gold everywhere. It's literally hanging off the place.
There are so many highlights to choose from, but if forced to pick just one, it would have to be rubbing shoulders with industry giants in the official Cairns Lions marquee. I don't want to sound cliche, but it changed my life in every single way. I'm determined that one day I won't have to blag my way in.
After all that excitement, I needed something to calm me down. So I took a leisurely stroll down the Cairns Esplanade, which is virtually identical to the Promenade de la Croisette in Cannes.
After my reinvigorating saunter along the shores of the Coral Sea, I decided to pick up a cheeky bottle of cleanskin rosé for $4.90 from First Choice Liquor and retire to Villa Vaucluse for the evening. I've decided to pair my vino with cuisine from a renowned international restaurant called McDonald's. After much consideration, I opted for the Quarter Pounder, or 'Royale with Cheese' for those of you in Cannes.
Today, I feel like I fully understand my advertising destiny. La vie est magnifique. Tomorrow, I've been invited to swan around on a yacht. I've also been asked to attend a very special screening. What to do? Such is the dilemma of the vibrant metropolis that is Cairns. There's always something on, which means you'll always miss out on something else.
Now please excuse me, it's Wild West Wednesdays at P.J. O'Brien's. The cowgirls are expecting me.
